I hid in the school library again today. This is my safe place. The world around me is so cold and full of people who judge me and make me feel inferior. All the other kids have better parents, better lives, better friends, better clothes, better everything. I have nothing. I don’t fit in anywhere. Not at home. Not at school. Not anywhere. Life is miserable and so unfair!
Everywhere I went, I felt judged.
All eyes were on me, and no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, nothing would change. No one understood me or what I was going through. No one cared enough to take the time to get to know me. Heck, I didn't even know me. I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin that I didn't know how to act or what to think.
The anger inside me boils.
It’s fiery hot, so hot, that when it explodes, I am completely powerless against it. I don’t like being this way. This is not who I am. I don’t like violence or the pain it causes, but I am helpless. I have no power when my mind takes over. I’m at the mercy of my anger and the damage that my anger causes. It doesn’t matter if they were the perpetrators making me feel bad or an innocent bystander, when the anger erupts, the evil inside of me takes over. There’s nothing I can do but look back at my path of destruction with horror, regret, and sorrow. That is why I’m hiding from the world again. This is the only way I know how to quiet the beast inside me.
That was me in my high school days, and those were my beliefs.
I truly felt as though the world was against me and every one of my actions was judged and criticized. I hated my life. I hated the world. I hated myself. Because I couldn’t see the goodness within me, I couldn’t see the goodness within others. I had so many negative thoughts and feelings about myself and about my world that I lashed out at people violently. I walked around with a chip on my shoulder, and a "I don't care about anything attitude." Although outwardly, I looked tough, inwardly I was dying little by little.
All I wanted was to be loved. All I wanted was to belong.
I thought my wishes were answered when I was sixteen. I meet a man who was five years older than me. He showered his love and affection on me and made me feel as if I were the most important person on earth. Six months later, I was a pregnant high school drop-out living on public assistance. I had no future. I felt more alienated than ever before. I felt even more despair and I was certain my life was over. I knew I was destined to live a miserable life.
I felt even more alone in world.
Except I wasn't alone; I had a baby growing inside of me. The day I gave birth to my son and saw his angelic face, I knew that it was up to me to break this cycle of self-destructive thoughts and actions.
I began to read every self-help book I could get my hands on.
Through a lot of healing work and mindset retraining, I learned that all the judgments I felt from others were really judgments I held against myself. These were my own insecurities and self-doubts projected outward at others, so I had someone else to blame. I wasn’t strong enough then, nor did I know, that if I took control of my thoughts and feelings, I could change EVERYTHING about my life. I could give myself a chance to succeed in life and be happy.
I learned I could be my own best friend, cheerleader, and personal champion!
I created these books, programs and podcast for you and all the teens and young adults out there who have ever felt like I did—sad, hurt, scared, isolated, angry, overwhelmed, different, helpless. Once you understand the power of your thoughts and how to control them - you will have the power to change your life.
You are not your past. You are not what happened to you.
You are not the stories you've been telling yourself, nor are you the stories others have been telling about you. You are a beautiful soul longing to be acknowledged and loved. You are a beautiful soul deserving of so much love, happiness, and success in your everyday life! And even if it doesn't feel like it right now, you have the power to take charge of your thoughts, feelings, and actions to create the life that you want and deserve.
You can take charge of your emotions!
Imagine being able to stay calm and in control regardless of how chaotic your life might feel. How about being able to stop the worries and negative chatter in your mind to calmly go after what you want? What would you be able to do? How would your life be better?
You are more powerful than you realize.
For me, everything changed for the better once I learned that regardless of what is happening, I have the power to choose how I would react. I have the power to choose how I would see the situation. I have the power to let go of things that held me back and focus on things that bring me happiness and joy. You have this power too and I can teach you how to master it.
You can take charge of your life.
Through my difficult and often painful journey into adulthood, I learned a very simple truth, “change your thoughts, change your life.” I hope my books, programs, and podcast give you a good understanding of how your thoughts create your reality, and how much power you truly do have to be the boss of your mind. The power to create the life you want and deserve is in your hands! If I could do it, so can you. I believe in you.
With so much love,